Signs that you're becoming an old(er) cubicle drone

1. While you’re digging into a salad, the first words to leap from your lips are “This is going to be wonderful for my digestion!” much to the horror of everyone else at the table.
   
   
2. Your friend asks you out to lunch next week and you can’t tell him if you can make it because
   (a) you have become so busy that you’re now the sort of person who has to ‘check my schedule’
   (b) the schedule is not with you but in the office because you spend practically all your waking life there anyway
   (c) you can’t remember what’s on it because that is just how old you have become
   
   
3. You rant about the “young idiot” who keeps getting her appointment times wrong and the “young dumbass” who starts emails with “Hi, Both” when he sends an email to two people. (wtf is up with that, seriously?)
   
   
4. You heave yourself from one of those trendy sofa-bed-type things at some club and tell everyone it’s past your bedtime. It’s 9 pm.
   
   
5. You’ve started peering over your glasses to read print material and holding up unfamiliar bits of paper with a slightly harassed-looking squint and your mouth slightly open.
   
   
6. You’re beginning to see why people drop the “I” from the phrase “I understand that you want to etc..”, and leap right into the annoying “Understand that you want to etc…”
   instead. It’s because life is short and you’ve suddenly discovered how little of it is left and don’t want to waste it on typing superfluous pronouns.
   
   
7. You take some kind of perverse pleasure in telling everyone how you’ve somehow let all of your leave-days pile up at end of the financial year.
   (a) there’s now a calendar year, and then there’s the financial year
   (i) the financial year is more important than the calendar year
   
   
8. More and more of the people you deal with are younger than you and you have to make a mental note not to send them away in tears.
   
   
9. You are really just one more company software upgrade or iPhone email server download from throwing your swivel chair into your desktop screen.
   
   
10. You find yourself wishing you could print all 154 pages of a legal document because your eyes are watering.